What I learned about the World last week

There are times when one can do nothing but laugh at the ridiculous, impossible and downright bizzare things that happen in this world. If you've stumbled upon this blog post about the silly things that I came across over the last week: I hope this makes you smile. 

1. Rajasthan's Chief Minister Ashok Gehlot has a huge fan following in Istanbul, Turkey

Its true. The number of 'likes' on his facebook page jumped to 2,14,639 from a mere 1,69,077 in just a month. Whats more, the city with the highest number of followers is not Jaipur, the capital of Rajasthan, India, but Istanbul in Turkey. Perhaps the people of Istanbul while protesting against PM Erdogan, decided that it is time to call in help from the country historically famous for peaceful protests--India. If this assessment is correct, Mr. Gehlot should immediately consider moving to Turkey from India, as he is surely assured of a secure voter base there. 

2. Yamaguchi-gumi Shinpo: A Magazine for the Well-read Gangster

"Times have become hard for Japan's mafia and they can no longer rely on their 'brand' to generate profitability." writes Shinoda Kenichi, Don of Japan's largest organized crime syndicate, the Yamaguchi-gumi consisting of around 27,000 members. The infamous yakuza group have now started their own magazine instructing younger members in the values and disciplines they should observe and carrying an entertainment section that includes a poetry page (satirical haiku) and the fishing diaries of top officials. The magazine is not available to non-members. 

Shinoda Kenichi of Yamaguchi-gumi

3. The CIA is in possession of the world's most high classified vacuum cleaner design

The CIA's efforts to 'un-torture' Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attacks have resulted in the creation of highly classified vacuum cleaner blueprints. In the hope that the self-confessed terrorist would reveal further information in a sane state of mind, the CIA allowed Mohammed, then detained at a secret prison in Romania, access to schematics from the internet for the purpose of re-engineering this common household appliance. Mohammed is also reported to have enjoyed the Harry Potter books. 

4. Thailand's men are getting 'bigger' 

Oh yes. You guessed it. I mean, down there. The Thai Government is buying larger condoms with a width of 54 millimeters to cater to the needs of men under 30. The Director General of the Disease Prevention and Control Department observed that "Most men are now over 170 cm tall and exceed 70 kg in weight. They can no longer use condoms with sizes of 49 mm and 52 mm."

5. The true pervert is willing to hide in septic tanks to peep at women 

A 52 year old man from Oklahoma, USA was jailed on a peeping tom complaint when a woman found him looking up at her from inside the toilet of the restroom at a park. The man was pulled out by the police covered in human waste. He claims his girlfriend hit him over the head with a tire iron and dumped him in the toilet, but the police aren't buying this story. So, the question is, how far is your local pervert willing to go?

For the sake of clarity, this is what a septic tank looks like:

(Sunday, 7th July- Saturday, 13th July, 2013)

As Seen from the Viewfinder

A view of the South Eastern Railway HQ washed afresh by the rains. 

Perhaps I should start editing my photos a little to make them look better, but I couldn't resist putting up a picture of this quaint little structure from the British era. Surrounded as it is, by the vagaries of the modern world, the South Eastern Railway HQ in Calcutta presents a pretty picture of the times gone by. 

Project: Vikram Betaal for Rapunzel

If you've read any other post on this blog, you probably know that I'm presently unemployed (by choice) and at home, preparing for various exams. Whats more, home is an apartment on the top-most floor of a twelve storey building in Calcutta-- a city where I know all of nobody. I feel rather like Rapunzel, to be honest -- only my knight in shining armour is the steady flow of time and the coming of the month of December (Kaal then). If I am to stay sane, I must create my own amusements! And my first project is to read a book in Hindi! (Ta-da!)

As mentioned earlier, I'm taking classes to improve my skills (or lack of thereof) in my native language. It may seem odd to a non-Indian reader, but many urban kids-now-young-adults of my generation are poor at the language seeing as they have been schooled in English, and are now working in English. Certainly, everyone speaks it fluently (at least in the north). But the opportunities to read and write it don't arise too often.

Alas! I must admit that my Hindi is perhaps much worse than normal. Therefore, I'm starting with a relatively simple book: the Vikram-Betaal.The story of the wise and fearless King Vikramaditya and the wiley Betaal (in Indian mythology, a spirit inhabiting a corpse)  is believed to have been written by Mahakavi Somdev Bhatt as 'Beetal Pachisi', some 2,500 years ago.

A copy of my book at home.

A still from the TV show of Long Ago

The tales of Vikram and Betaal were a regular in the Tinkle series of comics, so popular when I was a child. I was introduced to King Vikramaditya at the age of six, and he has remained in my memories since then for the courage and wisdom he displays whilst tackling the betaal.

I'm excited about picking up something from my own country's mythology. The tales are not confined to children but are enjoyed by people of all ages. Seeing as the novel is in Hindi, I'm going to give myself a rather flexible time of 2 weeks to read it. Deadline: July 22, 2013. Happy Reading (to me)! ^^

10 things you might not know about Calcutta

Although I'm not a native of Calcutta, city of joy and once the capital of the British Raj in India, I've been living here for 5 years now. Moving to Calcutta from Mumbai was quite a culture shock, but I slowly learnt to love the pace of this city. This post is a compilation of Calcutta's unique delights, as seen from the eyes of a non-Bengali. 

1. Bread Tost.
Walking along the pavements in Calcutta, one will find many roadside stalls selling cha (tea), chat and other sorts of food. At many places, one can have two slices of bread toasted and with butter for a whopping 6-10 Rupees (approx. Rs. 55 to One US Dollar), happily labelled 'Bread Tost' on the cardboard menus hanging off the stalls.

2.  Everyone takes an Afternoon Nap.
There's no avoiding it. Unless you are in Park Street or some other equally commercial and upmarket area, the city will fall asleep from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. Taxi drivers may turn you down and the local grocer will most certainly have closed his shop so make sure you have everything you need for the afternoon well in advance.

3. The Shuttle.
The 'shuttle' is a form of transport where the drivers of private vehicles -- i.e. the drivers as employees of the owners of the vehicles -- pick up commuters headed in the same direction as them, for a small fee. Of course, this is done without the employer's knowledge or often, against his explicit orders, but is a common practice. Shuttles are a cheap and comfortable way to get around the city, if you know how and where to find them. Watch out though, they arn't the safest at night. After all, you never know just who is in the vehicle you are flagging down.

4. Blue and White.
Mamata Banerjee, the present Chief Minister, has decreed that the entire city is to be painted blue and white. Thus, government buildings, flyovers, railings, dividers, street signs, buses, bus stands, trees and random walls now sport her favorite colours. This move has the city's intelligentsia seeing red. They argue that it is a waste of resources, that blue isn't the only beautiful colour and that such light colours get dirty quickly and will have to be repainted again. With this, Calcutta will join the ranks of Jodhpur, the blue city of Rajasthan.

A tram under the road leading to the Vidyasagar Sethu

5. 'V' is 'B'
In Bengali, there is no syllable for 'v'. Instead, the English and Hindi 'v' is converted to 'b'. Thus, when you are asking for directions, people will ask you back, "Bhere you go?". Non-bengalis are frequently annoyed with this as their names are misspelled and mispronounced constantly.

6.  One way traffic on Park Street changes directions at 1 pm and back again at night
Park Street is a commercial street hosting some of Calcutta's biggest offices, hotels, schools, restaurants and shopping complexes. While change in one-way traffic direction does exist in other parts of the world, the reason for its existence in Calcutta is unmatched by any. Supposedly, it was started to ease the daily commute of the erstwhile Chief Minister of Bengal, Jyoti Basu (1977-2000) and continues to this day!

7. Bhaayolence.
The people of Bengal are among the most non-violent people in the world. They may shout, swear and spit, but won't progress to actual bodily assault. That does not mean there are no murders or muggings, but on the whole, Calcutta is one of the safer parts of India.

8. Travel by Autos at your own risk
Auto-rickshaws ply on specific routes on a share basis in Calcutta. By share, I mean that upto six people along with the richshaw driver will be using it at one time -- three passengers at the back and four, including the driver, at the front. Travelling at the front can be fun but one must have a good grip to avoid spilling off the vehicle on sharp turns and sudden jerks.

A not-so-crowded auto

Schoolchilden sitting in the trunk of an overcrowded auto

9. Tibetan food and Chinese cuisine

Calcutta is considered to be the birthplace of the fusion cuisine, 'Indian-Chinese' and one can see why. Tibetan food and Chinese cuisine here are absolutely delicious, more so than in other metros such as Mumbai and Delhi. Restaurants such as Blue Poppy or Beijing in Tangra, the China-town of Kolkata surely give the rest of the country a run for its money in this field. Of course, you may want to try the same cuisines in Sikkim too, where they are even better.

10. There are no Lanes on the Roads
Of course, the white lines are painted there. But no one ever follows them. Especially taxi drivers. Traffic is a huge problem in this city, and the best way to get around it: simply make your own lane!

Life Lessons from Old Friends

In Delhi last week, I had the opportunity to meet with two long-time friends, both of whom I've known for almost a decade now. This meeting will probably be our last for a while, as both as heading off to different parts of the world--one to the east, Singapore, and the other to the west, the UK.

We met at Delhi's famous Connaught Place at a restaurant called Barbeque Nation, well-known for its buffet which includes a never-ending serving of starters, barbequed at your table. There's an equal amount of food for vegetarians and non-vegetarians, a limited amount of complimentary alcohol with the buffet, the staff are courteous and the food, absolutely delicious. All in all, the experience was wonderful -- but I think that had more to do with the company than anything else.

A picture of CP looking more orderly than it actually is

Catching up with old friends is a very refreshing experience. For me, it was a reminder of my 14-year old self - her views, values and hopes - and an opportunity to judge my present position in life from her eyes. The 14-year old me was awkward but more confident about herself and her abilities. Conversations about everyday things with the two boys showed me that its time to return to some of her ideals and let go of some later-developed insecurities. I'm still young and hope that when, at the age of 60, I look back on my life, I can say firmly that I have few regrets.