Curse of the Great White Flake

The Great White Flake is the moment you discover that you have a problem, that black clothing has become your enemy, that your hair is about to start abandoning you and that your monthly expense on basic necessities is about to rise three-fold. The discovery of the Great White Flake may occur as you comb your hair, as a friend or family member oils it for you, as your stylist is about to cut it or simply when you wake up one morning with an itchy scalp. Yes, those stricken with this curse will have recognised what I am talking about. For they would have remembered their own difficult struggle, a life-long battle for many, with dandruff.

For as long as I can remember, my family has been plagued with the curse. Grandparents, cousins, aunts and the father all subscribe to it. Many of my friends too show signs of the white flake. It seems almost natural for this writer to suffer from the curse too. It would almost be strange if she didn't. 

Many remedies have been tried and many cures been tested. Yet, the white flakes come and go as they please. Anti-dandruff shampoos only cause further hair loss, homeopaths rob us of our money while dermatologists consider the white flakes the easy solution to (in my opinion) allergic reactions. Even combing the hair regularly only increases the quantity of the flakes. Not combing it is out of the question: a shaggy, long-haired ghost is not my ideal me. Home remedies such as applying some curd or lemon juice have failed, leaving the (how I wish lustrous) mane dry or smelly or even more itchy. Oiling the hair before a wash provides only temporary relief. A hair spa regularly every month from one particular L'oreal outlet on Camac Street worked  wonders but was quickly abandoned as being too expensive for this unemployed law student and too time-consuming.

However, those cursed with the flake need not despair! Even if all remedies fail and it seems as though the war as been lost, you WILL emerge victorious in the end. If you live long enough, your hair will all fall off with age and those accursed white flakes, with no home to go to will fall away with it. My grandfather's experience is testimony to this fact. After four decades of battling the curse, he Won. Unfortunately, as a woman, I cannot place much hope on this last resort, but male readers must keep the faith. Live and you will have won.   

All said and done, one should always look for the silver lining. Perhaps the cursee can turn the curse to his/her advantage by viewing it in a different light. Want to test if someone is a true friend? Check if they come close in spite of the curse. Want to cause harm to your greatest enemy? Send the curse flying in their direction (studies estimate that people are concerned not about the condition but the low confidence levels dandruff brings; they also estimate that dandruff isn't contagious, but one can always hope). You can hog the pillow at a sleep-over (with people that arn't your true friends as concluded above) or use it as an ice-breaker at boring parties ("Oh my! Is that dandruff I see...").

While we wait for the great minds of this world to stop scratching their heads and design a cure for the great white flake, this writer only has one message for those under the curse: You are not alone. 50% of the world's population suffers from the curse at least once in their lives. Be proud of your endurance and do not be cowed down by those clean, shiny, free-of-the-white-flake manes that TV models possess. May the force be with you!

 Note: The author is a very credible authority on the subject. She has been battling this curse since her recovery from the Pox for some reason associated with chickens, 11 years i.e. exactly half her life ago.